i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
