OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
