My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
