Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
