how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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