I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
