I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
