he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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