no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
