apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
