well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
