the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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