you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
