I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
