Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you had me at cake vodka
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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