i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
