sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
