so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
