No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize