He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
