whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
