After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
