I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
