you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i now understand why vodka
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
