Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
