just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
