Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize