My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
