Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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