I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
