You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
