is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
