mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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