ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
