Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
