Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize