Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you win again, gameday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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