My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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