I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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