Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize