Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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