Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
