No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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