I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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