oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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