saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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