remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got her a Nickelback box set.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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