Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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