I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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