I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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