I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
