Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
