Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
