I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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