i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is Oprah even human
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
