Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
