its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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