the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
