You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
