shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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