i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A+ Viking dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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