youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
