i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
