We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
